Yesterday was a dark day for me as I know it was for many who share my core values and beliefs. I am grieving over what feels like a direct violation of my soul and of any safety I’ve ever felt. I wrote the only thing I could eek out, which I’ve included below.
Today I woke up somewhat calmer, if delusional. I guess it’s proof (at least in my mind) that anti-depressants do work because surely I could not be calm and relatively even keel of my own accord. I’m drug induced optimistic. That’ll have to do for now.
I’m torn between not wanting to draw lines in the sand and divide a country further and wanting very much to say, fuck it, and denounce my citizenship. I do not want to be a part of a nation of individuals who believe that a misogynist, bigoted, sexual predator belongs in the highest office of our nation.
I’ve always been one to believe the best in people – in humanity. We are flawed, every last one of us. I’m trying my hardest to choose love; to be a person that continues to see the good in others – to love those who I feel, in my bitterness, have betrayed me.
I woke up to tiny explosions
and crumbling fortresses in my mind
I woke up to a world I couldn’t comprehend.
No amount of staring off
can resolve the growing dissonance in my mind;
explosions I can’t control,
explosions of overwhelming fear
and sadness, usher in
a complete lack of faith in humanity.
My country has failed me. My people
have failed me.