Better for the Pain

and yes, I still miss you
because there were things
that used to be just the two of us
you got me like Henry got Tommy in Goodfellas

because there are still things left to say
for me, anyway. not that they mattered
to you when you threw it all away

and yes, I’m still hurt
by all the things you didn’t say
like – “goodbye.”

hurt, by the way, you couldn’t even see
where I was coming from,
after years of knowing what makes me tick

and yes, I’m still angry
that you made me second guess myself
that you let me believe it was me

still angry because
it has kept me from being
irrevocably open with new friends
slower to trust, quicker to pull back
that’s not who I used to be at all

and yes, I’m still glad –
glad that you walked away because
if you stayed, I might have had to be the one
to walk away. I’ve never been strong like that

…still glad that you saw how things were changing
and knew it was killing me, maybe I’m better for the
pain? Maybe I should thank you for having the courage that I didn’t?

But maybe, I’m just not there yet.

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